Intensely aware and far too present

These last few weeks have been pretty tough. I am learning things that I don't think I can accept. Actually, I'm starting to accept things that I'd rather not know about. Being oblivious is outrageously difficult, isn't it?! How does anyone manage to be so distracted, when I'm everything BUT distracted? I think I started rambling already.

School is really important to me, even though I haven't been in school for about 2 years. Terrible, I know it. Of course, I hear pretty terrible news that Illinois students won't be able to receive financial aid next year! I honestly don't even want to research this because it will only discourage me. It's bad enough I'm discouraged on the drop of a dime. I'd rather put it out of my mind and focus on something else. Did I just contradict myself? Maybe.

There's also the matter of me feeling as though I'm being taken advantage of. In reality it's not that serious. The envy I feel is somewhat overwhelming. Perhaps, I'm creating a more significant problem than I really have. Ok, so I'm sure that was cryptic enough.
Now on to what I actually appreciate about my life. I can't sit here and be a Negative Nancy the whole time. Not only is that LAME, it just doesn't do anything to make me feel any better about it.
Right now I'm loving:

• The stuff I make...my creativity levels are pretty high lately and it's a bit exhilarating!
• Punk rock!...the rush I feel when I listen to some really grimey punk is a mood booster, to say the least. I can't believe that I haven't been listening to music. What is wrong with me? MUSIC ALWAYS HELPS! Always.
• Love...from my family, lover and friends. It's really crucial for me to feel love as deeply as I dish it out.
• I'm starting to realize I am ubiquitous, or I'm insane, haven't figured out which yet. No the first one, my brain is EVERYWHERE all the time. Seriously. The fact (or crazy belief) that I function at all is quite remarkable. HAHA.

Alright, I'm a nut. This month is nuts. We're all nuts, and I love it. At least I feel alive.